Monsters
There were low clouds gathering from the north
east. Instead of being outside in the
sharp but short light of a sunny morning Jay
Ro had spent too much time scrolling through various posts on her phone.
She could find no trace of activity from Gaia and the general news lowered her
spirits. A thunderstorm was breaking over the eastern range of the Sierra but
the steely grey clouds had halos of brightness as the sun rose above this
low-lying cloud bank. Jay Ro looked at the sunshine glinting on the wet leaves
of the old oak. It was still warm enough to sit on the porch but for a few days
there had been a ‘gota fria’, this literally meant a “drop of cold”, or a frozen
teardrop.
It was September again and for most Spanish children and teachers
it was ‘Vuelta la Cole’ time. Back to
school but for the first time Jay Ro did not feel that dread of a new school
term. At college Jay Ro had made good
friends and got involved with the climate action groups, Changes must be made
in every country. September in the Sierra should bring some relief from summer
heat and some rain. However, water levels were very low even though this was
supposed to be one of the wettest parts of the southern Iberian Peninsula and
the reservoir was low where she had swum to those islands with Carmen and
Jonas. The trees were accustomed to plentiful water, but this year there were
more scorched leaves and bare branches than she had ever seen. Many of the
trees protected their core if there was little water by letting the tall outer
branches die off. The following year these would look odd sticking out above
the tree with no leaves, and were compared to a stag’s horny antlers.
Jay Ro glanced around and spotted the stag horns of cherry tree
near the house. It was twenty years old, so a bit older than she was and a
survivor. She loved to look out for the bee eaters clearly visible on its
leafless branches sticking out into the sky. The birds would call to each
other. Perhaps they were gathering to get ready for their long journey over the
Sahara their African winter homes. Stormy weather was not a good way to start a
long journey but neither was no water to drink before crossing a desert. Trees
had evolved many ways to face up to the problems the weather might bring. But
for the migratory birds it was more difficult.
Jay Ro felt the trees helped her, calmed her, rooted her. And the
birds inspired her with their determination to survive. The outside world and news
was always creeping into her brain and causing anxiety. She did not want to
slip back into that depression. All was tranquil here but on the east coast
people were experiencing terrible flooding. And in other parts of the world
there were extreme hurricanes. People were missing, thousands, but no one
seemed to be admitting how many could have died while being battered by 100km
winds and sea surges. The news of terrible wildfires in the Amazon was no
longer the main news. What would be
next? Somehow, she must learn the
resilience of roots and anchor herself with the knowledge of nature’s ways.
Adapt and survive.
There was a flash of movement across the patio terrace near Carmen’s
massive dog. What was it? Lola was stretched out on the tiles, half in shade
and half in sun. An ocellated lizard was running along the edge of the tiles
and abruptly turned when realising the great dog was in the way. The dog didn’t
even blink. The lizard froze motionless but its eyes were looking at Jay Ro and
then the dog. Thinking was going on. Assess, evaluate, act.
Ossie,
the ocellated lizard, was one of the first stories Nana G told her. She had
suddenly been passionate about monsters and dinosaurs. Nana G sent her a
picture of Timon lepidus, the ocellated lizard and later wrote her a
story about Ossie. Could Jay Ro remember this one and write it down? She went
back into the house and with a new purpose.
Ossie
lived in the wild valley of Navaselva and loved to warm himself up each day on
one of the many rocky boulders. Often other animals like the spotted genet
would try and pounce on him. One day a mongoose almost ate his tail.
Ossie wanted to be much bigger, much stronger and make everyone
scared of him. He had heard tales about giant reptiles and dinosaurs in the
dreamtime stories told by the old white gecko. Ossie wanted to be like a giant
dinosaur, big and powerful. If he grew really big, he could chase all the
animals in the valley away. He tried to eat and eat as much as he could but he
only became slower.
One
day he disturbed the fire salamander when he got stuck in a muddy rock crevice.
The salamander had lived a long time and knew how to adapt and survive in her
own skin. She had learnt many stories too and one was about how the dinosaurs
became extinct. How could such a powerful species fail to survive?
The reptile answer was that the dinosaurs became too big and ate
too much and then there was not enough food left – but the birds told a
different story. Some dinosaurs were covered with feathers but were too big and
slow to learn how to make the most of their fine warm covering. They wanted to
flap and preen their pretty feathers but did not realise their potential. Many became
easy prey for those with bigger jaws. There were too many monsters on the
Living Earth. But some learnt to lift up from the earth and fly away from the
hungry monsters.
The salamander told Ossie that he was a special jewelled lizard,
and Ossie must be very proud of his colours and bright blue spots. Although
some ancestors might have been big lizards, all needed to adapt to survive. And
so now Ossie was very small. It was better to be small, hide among the rocks
and leaves and not need to find vast quantities of food. Perhaps, one day Ossie
will find another jewelled lizard and together make more beautiful lizards.
There was no need to be big like a monster. Small was indeed beautiful.
Jay Ro realised now what
the story could tell her. Why hadn’t she remembered Ossie when she wanted to be
with the bigger girls who dominated and kept others under their control by
sharp and hurtful words? She believed their words and wanted to change her body
to fit in rather than just accept and enjoy who she was.
Tracy’s group were like
monsters crashing through the playground jungle but they failed to adapt and
survive. They failed to realise that they didn’t need to be monsters. All most
of those girls needed was love, respect, care but instead they played at power
games and could bully others to do their bidding in many subtle ways. The
excitement was intense and addictive. She knew now Tracy did not have much love
and support and was called ‘looked after’. Except she wasn’t and neither was Gaia
who was considered a burden and nuisance in her uncle’s family. This bonded
them together and their group felt stronger and no wonder Gaia was drawn to
them too.
Gaia and the other girls
found that there were other bigger monsters and each one of the girls got
devoured or destroyed in some way. Jay Ro knew she survived because she was
protected and able to discover who she really wanted to be. Was it still
possible to help Gaia or was it too late?
Jay Ro wanted to find
one of Nana G’s books on the local reptiles which should be on the pine
bookshelves, in the alcove. But she found some photographs instead. Looking closely,
she could read a date on the back. Paris 2015. There was one by the Eiffel
tower and another by Notre Dame. Nana G was smiling, with her hand
outstretched, feeding some small birds by this monumental cathedral. The other
photos were of some large factory-style buildings and slogans. One was with
lots of people gathering, the other place was empty except for some rather thin
cats near a sign COP15. Was this, the place of the climate change talks? The
Paris Agreement was considered an achievement but then business as usual. Nana
G had written a poem called ‘Same Old’ and Jay Ro remembered her anger on a
Twitter feed. There were also some diaries but Jay Ro left those on the
shelves. Diaries were private and she would not like anyone to see hers.
Jay Ro thought back to her first weeks at college. Everyone was
new and friendly and ready to talk about so many things and have a good time.
She started a diary that year as writing journals helped her low moods but she
ended up being so busy that there was never time to jot much down.
Two boys in her biology class invited her to some meetings about
climate change in the college library. Each person was asked to speak about
their concerns. Jay Ro felt her nerves on edge but spoke out about the danger
to so many species of animals. She was clapped and cheered. It all felt so good
as she was admired for her knowledge of nature and its ways. She also felt
sadness that as she rediscovered the diversity of nature, she understood more
how much the natural world was suffering. The possibility of mass extinction of
so many species was real but she was able to talk about successes too. She
explained how she visited Rutland Waters and adopted a female osprey. She cried
when this bird made it all the way back from West Africa to nest again at
Rutland Water. Her fellow students asked lots of questions about these birds
and she readily answered these without worrying.
Jay Ro knew she was overwhelmed by this attention but surprised
herself with her knowledge. Not many of the students knew very much about the
natural world but most could explain the effects of too much carbon on the
future of the planet. This time when sadness and anxiety welled up inside her,
she had the support of friends.
When she decided to take part in the school strikes her parents
were not pleased as she had already lost a year through her eating issues and
changing school. She introduced her parents to some of her classmates who
wanted to be doctors. This appeased her parents but she felt guilty that she
was losing contact with Gaia. In a way she wanted to just forget that time in
her life but it kept creeping back in. Gaia knew so much about nature too.
One of her science teachers challenged her about missing classes
and said that climate change action was just part of the selfishness of the
human race. Jay Ro didn’t want to agree but did not know how to argue her
point. Later she saw the Spanish school strike placards
‘Ni un grado mas, ni una especia menos.’
‘Not a degree more, not one species less.’
She liked this and this gave her a good answer. We are trying to
save all species, not just humans. There is a concern among young people for
all living things and all over the world.
Jay Ro learnt more about how young people in parts of Africa who
were involved too. They passionately wanted to protect the forests and their
local animals. This helped her feel stronger too. These animals were the
animals of her childhood picture books ‘elephants, giraffes, rhinos, lions’ and
from other places, ‘tigers, polar bears, penguins.’ Jay Ro remembered one of
her speeches about how she didn’t want young children to see them only in
picture books, zoos or as prints on fashionable clothes. She wanted the wild to
be wild in wild places.
But in those heady
exciting days she had forgotten about Gaia. There were some texts sent and she
could have seen her. Maybe she could have helped her, prevented her getting
more involved. Jay Ro thought she could save the planet but couldn’t save one
friend from being drawn into the dark edges of the human world. Why were there
no messages from Gaia?
The
diaries of Nana G intrigued her. Dare she look? Would Nana G mind? Nana G had
said that once you wrote something online you made it public. If you write in
rage, it may help, but best on paper and then tear it up. All those Instagram
posts and comments had been awful. What made people so unkind? She remembered
Nana G’s words: If I give up Twitter, you give up Instagram. Twitter makes me
rage at some of the crazy politics we have now. It eats into me and my time.
Get creative rather than reactive!
Jay Ro felt that as these diaries had not been torn up Nana G may
be giving permission to read them. Posterity was a word she often used. Jay Ro browsed
through some of the diary entries, they showed anger with so many things. She
hadn’t realised how strongly her grandmother felt about many issues. She smiled
as this was Nana G’s Twitter feed but now in her diary. Other entries were
observations or short poems for the day. There was a clearly labelled 2015
diary. Was there anything on her trip to Paris?
Just
passing through Paris on the way back to Spain by train. Thought I would try
and meet up with Anna. We still keep in touch after all those years when she
came to England. Only seventeen then but her head was in the right place. We
had some lovely French pastries and then as she lived near Le Bourget, we went
to look at the place where the Climate Change Talks had taken place. Nothing
happening now, just a few feral cats gathering after the humans have gone.
Perhaps cats will survive us. The humans have gone and the talks are a fiasco-
neither success or failure. Well, at last an agreement but nothing to hold
governments to account. Time is running out. Will we ever learn? And still all
about us rather than all the other living things. We need courage to keep going
and we must protect as many wild habitats as we can.
I followed up the
email from the Spanish contact,
researching missing people from Spain in the 1940s. He had information that my
father had been a writer and refugee, living in France during the occupation.
He told me there were some records of my father’s life in the archives of the
Spanish in the French Resistance who had fled Franco’s regime. He was very
young in his teens when he left Spain. Why? What happened? Carlos fills me in of the possibilities.
Families involved in opposing Franco were often hunted down. Their children
taken away.
What monsters, ordinary
people had to face then, and with what courage and resilience? But why did he
never tell us about this part of his life? It just sounded romantic when I was
told my mother and father met and got married in Paris after the war.
Jay Ro felt puzzled. Didn’t this information link up in some way
with the boy who escaped with wolves. Was there a connection? And no one was
alive with the answers now.
Why were such secrets kept?
Jay Ro was relieved the monsters and battles of those war years were
long gone. Her worry was there were different battles now and other monsters in
disguise ready to take advantage. She was sure Gaia and Tracy knew some.
Black kite flying over the Aracena embalsa
